Just split my skull open with an axe, it’d be over faster.

I woke up this morning with a godawful splitting sinus headache. That’s more than just a little bit unusual, because I don’t do sinus headaches. Not like this one, anyway – not the kind the runs from your temple down your jawline into your teeth. So off to the doctor we went – my wife took the day off to celebrate her birthday, and I felt like I was ruining it. I had gotten her a gift already, but I’d spent the past week fretting over whether or not she’d like it. Let me hit the pause button on the headache and tell that story first.
The Sasgami Salami Story
For over a year now, my wife has been going ga-ga over the very idea that there’s a tactical space combat sim based on the Honor Harrington universe. The problem with that game, however, was its price tag: in the vicinity of $80 for a hex-map-and-dice-and-markers type game. Until that is, I found the Honor Harrington Saganami Island Tactical Simulator on eBay. (For those not familiar: Saganami Island Academy = the Honorverse’s Starfleet Academy for all intents and purposes.) Only I found that game through a typo on my part – I typed “Herrington.” One item did show up though: “HONOR HERRINGTON SASGAMI ISLAND SIMULATOR.” 😆 I’m not sure anyone else ever saw that listing, and I was able to reel it in for a little under half price.
Fast Forward To A Week Ago
…when the thing actually arrived. It wasn’t shrinkwrapped, so I thought “Hey, perfect opportunity to peruse the manual. If one of us already knows how to play, we don’t have to spend all night going over the rulebook.” Wrong! This is a game for dead serious space warfare geeks – the supposedly simple one-page rule summary sheet reads like something written by an aeronautical engineering major. Actually reading the detailed rules is even more daunting. I’ve never before in my life encountered a game that required calculus. I got nervous. This wasn’t a game. This was homework.
Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch
After going to get some good drugs prescribed for me, including Allegra D, which truly screws with my head, we did the only sensible thing to do in this situation: we went shopping. We had a little bit of money to blow, so with cash in hand, we hit Books A Million, Hastings, and a few other places. At Hastings we picked up a couple more games that caught our fancy: Man Bites Dog, an amusing card game which lets you put together random news headlines that are just wrong in so many ways (Amazon link here), and the official South Park trivia game (Amazon link here). (She also got a talking Cartman keychain, so our evening gaming session was punctuated by such utterly appropriate soundbites as “Kick ass!”, “I am so…pissed…off” and “You will respect my authoritah!”)
Rewind To The Store
While looking at “local interest books” on our shopping trip, I spotted a book titled “Steamboats And Ferries Of The White River.” Only I apparently didn’t see that at first, collapsing into giggles because I had read it as “Steamboats And Ferrets”. This became the cue to abandon the shopping expedition and head home because evidently the cocktail of prescriptions I was on was really messing with me. On the way to get on the interstate, we got caught in a mini-traffic jam, toward which I directed the following bizarre comment: “Get a move on! Are you gonna be a steamboat, or a ferret?” I guess you kinda had to be there.
Very Funny, Scotty, Now Beam The Rest Of Me Up
Another thing we both fell in love with was one of this year’s Star Trek christmas ornaments, the classic Enterprise transporter pad. It has some built-in lighting coolness to illuminate a very nice miniature diorama of the transporter pad, with Scotty, Spock and Kirk standing on the pads. Only the store display model had no Kirk. It had Kirk’s feet. “Where’s Captain Kirk?” my wife asked; I glanced over at a Star Wars Episode III ornament which was also distinctly missing someone north of their boots, and suggested that maybe he was chillin’ with Obi-Wan. Fortunately, we were able to get a complete one! 😆
We still haven’t played “Sasgami Island” yet, because I haven’t been able to get a degree in applied physics tonight, but damned if Man Bites Dog isn’t fun. My wife also picked up a book and a magazine today, but overall, this reminded me of my birthdays when I was growing up – sure, a few clothes here and there, but by and large it was all fun stuff. I’ve been officially informed that this was the Best Birthday Ever, and now I think I understand why my mom used to do birthdays the way she did.