The seventh episode of Buck Henry’s science fiction spoof Quark premieres on NBC. 
Zorgon thanks Quark for his help in finding “it” by having Quark and the Betties beamed down to the asteroid to become the next meal of a lizigoth. Fortunately, Zorgon hasn’t taken into account the asteroid’s Forest People, whose baron frees Quark and his crew and leads them to “it.” The item sought by Zorgon turns out to be a small crystal said to make its wearer invincible, and as Quark’s arrival has been foretold by prophecy, he becomes the bearer of “it” and returns to Zorgon’s ship to free Ficus and stop Zorgon’s quest for limitless power. But only when he finds himself staring down his mortal enemy does Quark realize that “it” isn’t all “it’s” cracked up to be.
written by Jonathan Kaufer
directed by Bruce Bilson
music by Perry Botkin, Jr.Cast: Richard Benjamin (Adam Quark), Timothy Thomerson (Gene/Jean), Richard Kelton (Ficus), Tricia Barnstable (Betty), Cyb Barnstable (Betty), Conrad Janis (Otto Palindrome), Alan Caillou (The Head), Bruce M. Fischer (The Baron), Joan van Ark (Princess Libido), Ross Martin (Emperor Zorgon), Bobby Porter (Andy), Ned York (Bar-Tel), Jerrold Zimon (Professor Dinsmore), Gary Cashdollar (Guard #3), Barry Hostetler (Guard #4), Ron Burke (Guard #5)
Notes: The Baron of the Forest People is an uncanny prediction of Brian Blessed’s character in the Flash Gordon movie, which was still two years away from premiering. Quark says he and Ficus have served together for years, even though Ficus made his first appearance after the pilot. Arguably the weakest episode of the show’s short run, this installment is essentially a repeat of May The Source Be With You in a different setting.
LogBook entry by Earl Green