Tag: BBC2

Chain of Events: Kryten commits the most heinous, criminal act ever done aboard Red Dwarf – he manages to bring Talkie Toaster, Lister’s mortal bread-heating enemy, back online. Not without reason, though – Kryten thinks it may be possible to use the same repair method to help Holly regain her IQ of 6000 at the cost of reducing her operational lifespan. The procedure works all too well, leaving Holly with a vast wealth of genius and only three minutes in which to use it. To make matters worse, Red Dwarf is nearing a white hole which is emitting time, creating disjointed pockets of events that haven’t happened yet, have already happened, and may not happen at all. Holly’s solution is to plug the white hole up by altering the orbits of a few nearby planets using a nuclear warhead as the cue ball, but Lister insists on making the shot himself.

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: David Ross (Talkie Toaster)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Recipe For Kippers Vindaloo: In some alternate universe, there exists one Arnold Rimmer – an incredibly nice, well-liked guy with guts, bravado, skill, decency, an actual sex life, and the nickname “Ace.” (Keep in mind, this is an alternate universe we’re talking about here.) Ace signs up to test a new spacecraft developed by the Space Corps which can break the dimension barrier and send him into parallel universes, and winds up slamming right into Starbug, which is carrying Lister and the others to a fishing trip they’re dreading due to the presence of their dimension’s Rimmer. Ace feels it’s the right thing to do to help the Starbug crew out when they crash into the ocean of a nearby planet, and all of them develop an immediate rapport with Ace, with the exception of Rimmer, who’s just pissed off because no one’s ever treated him with the kind of respect and admiration Ace has earned. Ace saves the entire crew and returns to Red Dwarf with them when Cat requires emergency surgery. The “real” Rimmer is determined that either he or Ace has to go. Whether you’ve smoked him a kipper or not, Ace Rimmer is back for breakfast in Emohawk: Polymorph II.

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Robert Llewellyn (Bongo), Kalli Greenwood (Mrs. Rimmer), Simon Gaffney (young Rimmer), Hetty Baynes (Cockpit Computer)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

In deep space, control of Starbug is wrested from the gang by the Inquisitor, a deranged simulant who has taken it upon itself to remove those it considers worthless from the universe and replace them with someone who could’ve made more of life. The Inquisitor confronts them aboard Red Dwarf, forcing each to justify his existence. Rimmer complains that he’s lucky to have achieved his esteemed status as a corpse-turned-hologram considering his background. Cat insists that his posterior is a work of art and that it’d be cruel to deny the universe of it. Kryten insists that he has behaved as he was programmed but wanted to be much more, and Lister tells the Inquisitor to spin on it. The latter two are selected to be removed from existence itself.

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Juliet May
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: John Docherty (Inquisitor), Jake Abraham (Second Lister), James Cormack (Thomas Allman)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Rimmer and Kryten, who have taken a Starbug out to do a bit of moon-hopping, have crash-landed on a psi-moon, a self-terraforming world which reconfigures itself to conform to its inhabitants’ psyches. Since Rimmer has become the only living being on the psi-moon, it has uprooted its surface and turned into the hopeless living hell that is Rimmer’s miserable personality. Kryten detaches one of his mechanoid hands and sends it to Red Dwarf to get help. Lister and Cat manage to repair Kryten and set out to find Rimmer. They discover that his persecution complex has manifested itself in an insulting, abusive creature which is about to torture Rimmer just when he is rescued. Returning to the Starbug, they discover that their escape is entirely dependent on how much of a boost they can give to Rimmer’s ego. The guys face their most horrific challenge ever – they must look Arnold J. Rimmer in the eye and tell him they care about him…

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Juliet May
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Sara Stockenbridge (Handmaiden), Francine Walker-Lee (Handmaiden)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

The guys take Starbug to search for Dr. Hildegarde Lanstrom, a brilliant doctor whose hologram may still be functioning aboard her old ship. Rimmer is dismayed at the prospect of recruiting Lanstrom since only one hologram can operate aboard Red Dwarf or Starbug at a time. As it turns out, his fears are complete unfounded since Lanstrom turns out to be infected with a program corruption called a “holo-virus,” and has not only gone murderously mad but has also developed telekinesis and various other deadly powers. Luckily for Lister, Cat and Kryten, the holo-virus runs its course and destroys Lanstrom, but she has already managed to transmit it to Rimmer. Rimmer confines the others to quarantine when they return to Red Dwarf, and begins to develop the same hideous abilities as Lanstrom. If Lister, Cat and Kryten can avoid strangling each other while facing the prospects of months of isolation, they might be able to save Rimmer…as if anyone would want to.

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Grant Naylor
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Maggie Steed (Dr. Hildegarde Lanstrom), Mr. Flibble (himself)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Kryten and Lister are experimenting with the triplicator, a device Kryten has adapted from the Matter Paddle which can produce two copies of any object; in this case, they’re trying it out with strawberries, and the device works perfectly, though it somehow produces one divine and wholesome copy of the strawberry and another teeming with maggots and nastiness (which Lister discovers by biting into it). Kryten tries to reverse the process, and before anyone can sing “Strawberry Fields Forever,” the drive room is bursting with explosions and the gang has to beat a hasty retreat to Starbug just in case Red Dwarf explodes…which, rather less than surprisingly, it does soon after Starbug escapes. But, to make up for the predictability of that, the law of averages takes a snooze as Kryten spots two copies of Red Dwarf nearby – which, since he theorizes they were created by a freak field reversal in the triplicator, will be a divine, idealized Red Dwarf, and the other will be, as Lister puts it, “fish bait.” Seeking help from the idealized Red Dwarf, they find four individuals who spend their time in pursuit of higher truths and ideologies and spiritual fulfillment. When the “low” Red Dwarf sends out a mayday, our heroes and their “higher” counterparts set out to render assistance, only to find a trap set by four bloodthirsty, murderous individuals aboard a grungy garbage scow of a ship. If they can survive their “low” selves, the guys may be able to combine the two and recreate their own Red Dwarf.

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Juliet May and Grant Naylor
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: none

Original Title: High & Low

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Starbug’s supply situation is getting desperate, leaving Lister to dine on grilled space weevil (though he doesn’t know what incredibly unthinkable morsel Kryten has prepared for him), when Cat sounds a swirly thing alert based upon his nasal instincts. Rimmer orders this alert replaced by the only slightly more formal blue alert, and the intruding object Cat sensed finally appears – a heat-seeking device which envelops Starbug in an energy field and drags it into a huge, amazingly advanced space station which Kryten discovers is a top-secret research facility. A strange being – half organic, half mechanical – greets them by name, bestowing numerous gifts: hospitality, a feast, an impromptu appendectomy for Lister, and a hard light system for Rimmer, allowing him to touch objects. Legion does, however, set one condition upon his guests: they can never leave his station, for Legion depends on them for his own existence.

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Andy De Emmony
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Nigel Williams (Legion)

Original Title: Call Me Legion

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Starbug is hunted by a Space Corps robot law enforcement vessel, and after taking several shots from the drone, Starbug is forced to land in the ocean in an attempt to put out uncontrollable fires. Unfortunately, Starbug has landed on a planet populated by hideous GELFs, and the ship’s oxy-generation unit is damaged beyond repair. As luck would have it, though, the leader of the local GELF tribe happens to have such a unit handy, and is willing to trade with the Starbug crew. But what he wants in exchange for the OG unit is a husband for the loveliest of his three horrifically hairy daughters, an honor he decides Lister is worthy of. Lister is persuaded to agree to marry the flea-ridden beauty, and the OG unit is given to Kryten. But when Lister runs for his life to escape his honeymoon, the tribal leader sends his pet polymorph after the Starbug crew – and only the combined talents of Duane Dibbley and “Ace” Rimmer can set things right!

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Andy De Emmony
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Hugh Quarshie (Computer), Martin Sims (GELF), Ainsley Harriot (GELF Chief), Steven Wickham (GELF Bride)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Starbug returns to the rogue simulant warship it fought before, from which Lister plans to raid the cargo bays for food. One of the simulants turns out to have survived the previous encounter with Starbug, and it isn’t happy. Any exchange of fire on the simulant ship will bring the interior crashing down on anyone inside. For a moment, it looks as though Rimmer might actually attempt a daring attack on the simulant from behind, but in reality he’s just sneaking over to an escape pod, whose launch destabilizes the ship. The others scramble back to Starbug and escape, but they’re unable to catch up with Rimmer’s escape pod as it tumbles into a wormhole. Due to relativistic time dilation, by the time Starbug catches up with Rimmer, 600 years will have passed for him. In that time, he will found a new society all his own…

written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Andy De Emmony
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Liz Hickling (Rogue Simulant)

LogBook entry by Earl Green