Author: Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: Crow is still trying to explain Thanksgiving to Gypsy, but she doesn’t seem to get it. Joel shows off his latest invention: Num-Clucks! At some point a number is given for callers to voice their opinions of the show.

Star Force: Fugitive Alien II Story: In flashback, we learn the story of Ken, a former member of the Star Wolves, a group of intergalactic warriors from the planet Valna. Ken had refused to kill a child and his insubordination led to the death of his best friend. Finding himself alone and on the run from the Star Wolves, he was taken in by the crew of the starship Bacchus 3 (Captain Joe, Rocky, Dan and Tammy), who eventually learned to trust him. Rita, Ken’s girlfriend and sister to his deceased best friend, had been sent to kill him, but died in the ensuing confrontation. Now, Ken and his crewmates set out on a mission to the planet Cesar to destroy a powerful enemy weapon. They take on board a Cesar captive to guide them, Colonel Irulen, but he almost immediately causes unrest. After traveling through a black hole, everyone in the crew except Ken becomes ill from the side effects of the journey. Meanwhile the ship drifts closer to Demeter, a star about to go supernova, leaving Colonel Irulen as their only hope to get free of its pull. Through the combined forces of Ken and Colonel Irulen, the ship is repaired and they escape the star in the nick of time. Arriving at Cesar, they are attacked when Colonel Irulen’s attempt to secure passage is rebuffed. When Ken successfully fends off the attackers, Colonel Irulen guides the ship to “The Devil’s Desert”, a desolate area on Cesar. Captain Joe stubbornly insists on going on the expedition to find the enemy weapon, so Rocky shoots him with a tranquilizer to keep him safe. Most of the crew goes instead and, with the help of Colonel Irulen, manage to capture an enemy outpost and disguise themselves as enemy soldiers. Finding the installation in short order, they brazenly walk right in and are able to make their way to the heart of the enemy weapon and set a time bomb to destroy it. At the last moment, Colonel Irulen has a change of heart and attempts to stop the detonation, but is shot by a Cesar guard. The others attempt to make their escape, but one is captured and Ken goes back for him. The rescue is successful and the bomb goes off as planned, destroying the weapon and the entire installation. Meanwhile, Valna’s leader, Halkan, sends his Rangers after a powerful bomb developed on Earth. The crew of the Bacchus 3 are assigned to escort the young daughter of the bomb’s creator and are almost immediately attacked by the Rangers and the young girl and the plans to the bomb are taken. They also attempt to get to Ken by using a double of his late mother to infiltrate the Bacchus 3, but he sees through the ploy. Ken decides to go to Valna and confront Halkan personally. The Bacchus 3 follows and attacks the Valna fortress. A personal combat between Ken and Halkan results in the death of his mother’s double, who sacrifices herself to save Ken. Halkan attempts to escape in a starfighter, but Ken chases after him and defeats him in a dogfight. As the Bacchus 3 leaves Valna, Ken decides to stay behind to help rebuild its civilization.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments director unknown
Star Force: Fugitive Alien II written by Keiichi Abe, Bunkou Wakatsuki, Yoshihisa Araki, Hiroyasu Yamamura (as Hiroyasu Yamura), Hideyoshi Nagasaki & Toyohiro Andô (as Toyohiro Andou)
Star Force: Fugitive Alien II directed by Kiyosumi Kuzakawa & Minoru Kanaya
Star Force: Fugitive Alien II music by Norio Maeda

MST3K Guest Cast: unknown

Star Force: Fugitive Alien II Cast: Tatsuya Azuma (Ken), Jo Shishido (Captain Joe), Miyuki Tanigawa (Tammy), Choei Takahashi (Rocky), Tsutomu Yukawa (Dan), Hiro Tateyama (Biri), Keiko Mari (Rita)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: Joel is happy with the calls he’s gotten recently and has a number for people to use. Joel and the Bots spend a lot of time listening to their messages. Crow and Servo do an Abbot & Costello-like routine, but Joel thinks they’ve gone a bit nutty. Later, based on a caller’s request for “more Chapstick”, Joel applies loads of it to the Bots. Crow, thinking about Chapstick, goes on a long rant on lubricants, culminating in his famous advice to “never stick anything in your ear larger than a pirate”. At the end, the Bots are making crank calls and Crow goes on and on about dog behavior.

Gamera Vs. Barugon Story: Ichiro Hirata, a crippled war veteran, backs a group of men (Onodera, Kawajiri and Ichiro’s brother Keisuke) on a mission to find a giant opal Ichiro discovered during the war. When they find the opal over the objections of the natives, Onodera orchestrates the death of Kawajiri and seals Keisuke in a cave where he is eventually rescued. Repenting against his previous actions, Keisuke joins with a native girl, Karen, to retrieve the opal. They arrive in Japan too late, as Onodera has murdered Ichiro and the opal has turned out to be an egg that has hatched revealing the monster Barugon. It grows to enormous size and destroys the city with its powerful tongue and rainbow beam, even defeating Gamera in a brief battle. After numerous attempts to destroy Barugon fail, Gamera returns and defeats it.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Gamera Vs. Barugon written by Nisan Takahashi (as Nizo Takahashi)
Gamera Vs. Barugon directed by Shigeo Tanaka
Gamera Vs. Barugon music by Chuji Kinoshita

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Gamera Vs. Barugon Cast: Kojiro Hongo (Keisuke Hirata), Kyôko Enami (Karen), Koji Fujiyama (Onodera), Yoshiro Kitahara (Professor Amano), Akira Natsuki (Ichiro Hirata), Ichirô Sugai (Dr. Matsushita), Yuzo Hayakawa (Kawajiri)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: It’s Christmastime, so Joel has decided to carbon-freeze Crow and use him as a Christmas tree because he’s the most “spindly”. He also contemplates using Servo as a “Frosty the Snowman”. After a caller (whose message gets a Punky Brewster background) asks who cuts Joel’s hair, the credits roll early so Joel can point out that it’s “Mr. Crow of Beverly Hills”. Later, Joel takes another call, then does a poll on movie colorization. Joel also gets calls from competing coalitions, each supporting different giant monsters. A review of the previous movie proves inconclusive. At episode’s close, Joel shows Gypsy how Crow was frozen, followed by a discussion of the Holiday season and a rendition of “O Tanenbot”.

Gamera Story: A scientific expedition to the Arctic led by Dr. Hidaka is disrupted by a dogfight that leads to an airplane crash. The explosion awakens Gamera, a giant monster turtle. Meanwhile, a young boy named Kenny is in trouble in school and at home because of his obsession with turtles. Forced to release his pet turtle to the wild, he comes upon Gamera and feels a kinship with the giant turtle. The humans try many different means of destroying Gamera without success. Kenny, who believes Gamera is good, eventually convinces them to use “Z Plan”, in which Gamera is trapped in a rocket and blasted into space. “Z Plan” is a success and Gamera is peacefully removed from the Earth.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Gamera written by Nisan Takahashi (as Fumi Takahashi)
Gamera directed by Noriaki Yuasa
Gamera music by Tadashi Yamauchi

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Gamera Cast: Eiji Funakoshi (Hidaka), Bokuzen Hidari (Old Man), Harumi Kiritachi (Kyoke), Yoshio Kitahara (Sakurai), Michiko Sugata (Nobuyo), Jun Hamamura (Dr. Murase), Junichiro Yamashita (Ayagi), Yoshiro Uchida (Toshio), Koji Fujiyama (Engineer)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: Joel is still pleased with the phone calls, but he wants the “scary guys with the low IQs” to stop calling and scaring Gypsy. Joel apologizes for all the giant turtle movies, but states that he doesn’t control what films are shown. He explains that the films are sent up by the mad scientists who shot him into space. Later, Joel puts Servo through puberty by changing his voice, taking it from a squeak to a “great dynamic mighty voice”. It immediately goes to Servo’s head. Gypsy also wants a new voice, but Joel thinks her voice is “kinda deep and sexy” and reminds him of Kim Carnes. A caller wants Crow unfrozen and Gypsy to join Joel in the theater. After showing the freezing of Crow again, Joel scolds Gypsy for eating Crow’s garland thinking it was “shiny spaghetti”. Joel gets an invitation to a young viewer’s birthday party. Since he’s trapped in space and can’t attend, the satellite is decorated in the boy’s honor and Servo gives him some life advice. At the close, Joel announces that they won’t be on during the Christmas holidays, but will return for a special New Years Eve broadcast.

Gamera Vs. Gaos Story: A volcanic eruption releases Gaos, a giant, bat-like creature with a laser beam and a taste for human blood. His rampage is delaying the building of an important road, disrupting not only the company, but also the locals who are negotiating the sale of their land for the road’s use. Several different methods are attempted to destroy Gaos, but none prove effective. Only the combined efforts of the Japanese scientific community, Gamera and Ichi (the grandson of the leader of the landowners), proves enough to defeat Gaos.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Gamera Vs. Gaos written by Nisan Takahashi (as Fumi Takahashi)
Gamera Vs. Gaos directed by Noriaki Yuasa
Gamera Vs. Gaos music by Tadashi Yamauchi

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Gamera Vs. Gaos Cast: Kojiro Hongo (Shiro Tsutsumi), Yoshiro Kitahara (Dr. Aoki), Reiko Kasahara (Sumiko Kanamura), Kichijiro Ueda (Tatsuemon Kanamura), Koji Fujiyama, Kyôko Enami, Eiko Yanami

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: Joel thanks everyone for their calls and announces that Crow will soon be unfrozen. Servo wonders what Crow will think of his “dynamic mighty voice”. Finally thawed in time for the New Year, Crow is very annoyed after being shown what was done to him. Later, Joel receives his first transmission from the mad scientists who shot him into space: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Dr. Lawrence Erhardt. Joel wants to know when he can come back to Earth and the Mads say they’ll let him come down if he does a different show for them; one that involves being trapped deep in the transatlantic trench and watching nothing but Jacques Cousteau movies. Joel passes. The movie begins to make Joel very unhappy and the Bots are unable to cheer him up. Even viewer calls fail to do the trick. Just as Joel begins to feel better, they play a message in which the caller thinks Gypsy is a male. This makes her very upset. Late in the movie, midnight approaches and Joel and the Bots take time to discuss their hopes for the New Year. They then try to do a countdown, but are interrupted by Movie Sign. At the conclusion, Crow give the film a “claw up” while Servo thinks it’s “mediocre at best”. Joel wants to know why Japan has the jet planes used in the movie, since they’re supposed to be demilitarized since the war. He then announces next week’s movie before everyone says their goodbyes.

Gamera Vs. Zigra Story: A spaceship appears near the moon and attacks the International base there. Meanwhile, earthquakes are occurring all over the Earth. Two marine biologists and their children are kidnapped and taken aboard the spaceship. It is inhabited by a lone female humanoid. She states that they are from the planet Zigra and that they intend to conquer the Earth. The adults are hypnotized, but the children orchestrate an escape. They return to Earth where Gamera appears and takes them to safety. Gamera engages the alien spacecraft in battle and destroys it. The Zigra monster, a shark-like creature, survives and grows to enormous size. It ultimately defeats Gamera by turning him on his back. Meanwhile, the alien female, who had followed the children to Earth in order to kill them, is captured. She turns out to be a scientist who has been possessed by the Zigra aliens after being captured on the moon. Using her knowledge, along with that of the now-awakened marine biologists, Gamera is successfully revived and the Zigra monster defeated.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Gamera Vs. Zigra written by Nisan Takahashi (as Fumi Takahashi)
Gamera Vs. Zigra directed by Noriaki Yuasa
Gamera Vs. Zigra music by Shunsuke Kikuchi

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Gamera Vs. Zigra Cast: Eiko Yanami (Space Woman), Reiko Kasahara (Henry’s Sister), Koji Fujiyama (Tom), Isamu Saeki, Shin Minatsu, Yasushi Sakagami, Arlene Zoellner, Gloria Zoellner

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: Joel and the Bots are hopeful that they won’t get another Gamera movie, but the Mads counter that turtles are going to be “big, really big”. Still, at first it seems like Joel will get his wish, since the Mads have run out of Gamera films. They briefly contemplate sending a good movie like Star Wars or Jaws, but Dr. Erhardt finds Gamera vs. Guiron at the last moment. At a break, Gypsy accidentally drops a piece of heavy equipment on Crow and he dreams that he is on Earth in the Mads’ control room and that the Mads are stuck on the “Satellite of Loathe”. In his dream, Crow has been sending them Planet Of The Apes Christmas over and over again. Joel wakes Crow up just as they go to commercial. This incident leads Joel and the Bots to an extended discussion on the nature of dreams. After singing a snippet of Satellite of Love with the Bots at the episode’s end, Joel announces that “Kent” is doing a survey back on Earth and that next week there won’t be another Gamera movie.

Gamera Vs. Guiron Story: Akio, a Japanese boy, spots a space ship through his telescope and observes it landing at the park. Akio, his friend Tom and sister Tomoko go out in search of the ship and find it. Akio and Tom climb aboard and the ship launches, carrying them into space. Gamera attempts to stop them, but the ship accelerates too fast. Back on Earth, Tomoko tries to get help, but none of the adults believe her story except one policeman. The boys eventually land on an alien planet where they witness a furious battle between a “Space-Gaos” and a monster whose razor-sharp snout slices the Space-Gaos to pieces. Running from the monster, Akio and Tom find themselves inside an alien city where they meet two female aliens, Belladonna and Flovera. They explain that they control the monster and that it is called Guiron. They also say they need to leave the planet and that they want to take the boys back to Earth with them. Their true intentions are revealed when they drug Akio and Tom and state that they will use the boys as food. Gamera finally arrives and is initially defeated by Guiron, falling onto his back on the bottom of the ocean. The boys find out about the aliens’ plan and eventually escape and revive Gamera. With the boys’ help, Gamera defeats Guiron in a battle that also leads to the aliens’ death. Gamera then takes the boys back to their families on Earth.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Gamera Vs. Guiron written by Nisan Takahashi (as Fumi Takahashi)
Gamera Vs. Guiron directed by Noriaki Yuasa
Gamera Vs. Guiron music by Shunsuke Kikuchi

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Gamera Vs. Guiron Cast: Nobuhiro Kazima (Akio), Miyuki Akiyama (Tomoko), Christopher Murphy (Tom), Yuko Hamada (Kuniko), Eiji Funakoshi (Dr. Shiga), Kon Omura (Officer Kondo), Reiko Kasahara (Flovera), Edith Hanson (Elsa, Tom’s mother)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: The Mads are in trouble. Their boss, “Old Leadbottom”, has found out they’ve been embezzling money for their experiment on Joel. To make matters worse, they’ve spent their grant money on customizing the Mad Scientist-mobile. They need $40,000 to bring Joel back, so they sold his car. Joel tells them he had $40,000 in it all along, so they send him “the ant movie” as punishment. Joel takes the opportunity of a break to teach the Bots the “Three Robotic Laws”, but they don’t take them seriously, stating the third law is “Give a hoot, don’t pollute.” Later, Joel and the Bots discuss what they’re going to do when they get back to Earth. A game of “I Spy” concludes with an impromptu a cappella rendition of “Wipe Out”. After the movie, Joel announces that they are looking into creating a fan club and asks people who are interested to call in. Joel ends the broadcast by having Crow and Gypsy recite the “Fourth Robotic Law”, which he wrote himself: “Don’t be surprised if somewhere, sometime, when you least expect it, someone walks up to you and says ‘Don’t be surprised if somewhere, sometime, when you least expect it, someone walks up to you and says “Don’t be surprised…”‘”

Phase IV Story: A mysterious solar phenomenon has caused odd behavior amongst the world’s ant population. James Lesko, a specialist in game theory, joins Dr. Ernest D. Hobbs in investigating the ants’ activities. Hobbs had found that ants had been engaging in a high level of socialization: meeting and planning, even across species. The scientists operate in a biosphere outside a housing development that had been overrun by the ants. The only people in the area are a farmer named Eldridge, his wife Mildred, granddaughter Kendra and hired hand Clete. Once they have settled in, Hobbs and Lesko find that the ants have built tall towers, a clear indication of their advanced intelligence. The scientists attempt to contact the ants, with Hobbs finally resorting to destroying their towers to rile them. The ants respond by destroying the scientists’ generator. The Eldridge family has also been run off of their farm. Fleeing to the scientists’ camp, they are caught in a barrage of poison sent by Hobbs to stop the ants. The only survivor is Kendra. Once rescued, Kendra upsets an experiment Hobbs is performing on some of the ants, resulting in Hobbs being bitten and the ants getting a sample of the scientist’s poison. The ants, now immune, step up their attacks: disabling the biosphere’s communications and heating it to the point where the computers fail. The poison from the bite causes Hobbs to become increasingly erratic. He hatches a plan to defeat the ants by destroying their Queen. Meanwhile, Lesko uses geometry to communicate with the ants and reaches the conclusion that the ants want one of them. Kendra, thinking it’s she the ants are after, runs away, giving herself over to the ants. Hobbs tries to go after the Queen himself, but the ants have dug a trap for him and he succumbs. Lesko, with no options left, tries to execute Hobbs’ plan. Eventually, he finds what he believes to be the Queen’s lair, only to discover Kendra: safe, but altered. He comes to the realization that it was the two of them the ants wanted all along. The world belongs to the ants now and mankind will be taught its place.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Phase IV written by Mayo Simon
Phase IV directed by Saul Bass
Phase IV music by Brian Gascoigne

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Phase IV Cast: Nigel Davenport (Hobbs), Michael Murphy (Lesko), Lynne Frederick (Kendra), Alan Gifford (Mr. Eldridge), Robert Henderson (Clete), Helen Horton (Mildred)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: Hoping to watch the Super Bowl, the Mads decide to send the movie (which is just two episodes of Space: 1999 stitched together) using an auxiliary transmitter they bought with the profits from the sale of “No-D” glasses. Later, Crow gives Joel a haircut and they engage in typical barbershop chit-chat. At a break, Crow cons Servo into testing the theory of evolution by trying to fly. Servo crashes, causing a disagreement between the Bots that lasts for some time. Crow and Servo begin to do Joel’s taxes, but are upset to learn that they are “business expenses”. When the movie finally ends, Joel, Gypsy and Crow play a little catch, culminating in Joel singing a horribly off-key rendition of “We Are The Champions” and the Bots getting into a tickle fight.

Cosmic Princess Story: A prologue tells us that in the year 1999, the moon was blasted out of its orbit around the Earth and hurtled off into space. Its only inhabitants, the crew of Moonbase Alpha, struggle for survival against terrible odds. First, the “Alphans” confront Mentor, an alien who is attempting to revitalize his dead planet Psychon by using the psychic energy of aliens who wander near. He captures an Alphan exploratory ship, feeding one of the crew’s minds into his “biological computer”, Psyche. Then he captures Moonbase Alpha’s leader, Commander John Koenig, along with Medical Officer Dr. Helen Russell and astronaut Alan Carter. Mentor plans to use the remaining Alphans to complete his goal. Mentor’s shape-shifting daughter Maya is unaware of the deadly affects of “helping” Mentor, believing her father’s methods to be benign. Koenig is able to convince her of the truth, allowing him to escape and defeat Mentor. With the destruction of his world imminent, Mentor pleads with Koenig to take Maya to safety. Later, Koenig and crew member Tony Verdeschi get trapped on the other side of a “space warp” that has sent the Moon millions of miles away from its previous position. Back on Moonbase Alpha, Maya is having hallucinations and is transforming into various deadly creatures in a delusional attempt to return to her father. She is eventually cured of her madness, just as Koenig and Tony find a way through the warp and rejoin Moonbase Alpha.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Cosmic Princess written by Johnny Byrne & Fred Freiberger (as Charles Woodgrove)
Cosmic Princess directed by Charles Crichton & Peter Medak
Cosmic Princess music by Derek Wadsworth
additional music by Barry Gray

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Cosmic Princess Cast: Martin Landau (Koenig), Barbara Bain (Russell), Catherine Schell (Maya), Brian Blessed (Mentor), Tony Anholt (Verdeschi), Nick Tate (Carter), Zienia Merton (Sandra Benes), Anouska Hempel (Annette Fraser)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey