RageCast! A bold new idea in weather forecast stupidity in which I look at the probability map for an upcoming severe weather event and try to match its shape to that of an internet meme “rage face.”
I’ve got bad news for you, northeast Oklahoma. Mother Nature’s targeting you just for the lulz. … Read more
So E has had some mild issues with a few developing phobias, so I looked this up on Youtube to introduce him to the mother of all my childhood phobias, the Federal Systems Thunderbolt civil defense siren, and played it good and LOUD for him while telling him how one of these used to scare that crap and many unspeakable crap byproducts out of me when I was just a little older than him (but not by much), and how I briefly joined the school safety patrol in sixth grade because my mother thought I should stand RIGHT NEXT to the damned thing to get over my fear of the merest of possibilities that it might go off while I’m standing under it or just looking at it. I told him how these were first deployed in 1953 or so – probably right around the time my now-assimilated-by-the-UAFS-Borg elementary school was built – and had another setting – rising and falling tones – which were usually reserved for nuclear attack. Then I told him about growing up during the Cold War. I explained to him that, to be less scared of all of these things, I read about tornadoes and sirens and, yes, even Da Bomb, so I could better judge when it’s time to be really scared.
And there was a long silence.
And then he said “But Dad, none of THAT is SCARY. BUGS ARE.”
I really wish I was him sometimes.
Feast now upon the song of my childhood nightmares!
Next question: who in the flaming f#$& buys a retired tornado siren and PUTS IT RIGHT OUTSIDE THE BACK DOOR? I guarantee you the only reason that glass door doesn’t end up in pieces is because he’s got a heap of blankets stuffed down the horn. These things used to kill any birds that would nest in the horns.… Read more
I had this idea last year, but too late in the lower midwest’s spring tornado season to implement it. That and the tornadoes that were happening were killing people – if I did start it last year, it’d be “too soon.” Ah, who am I kidding, it’s probably still “too soon”, but this is meant to lift spirits and incite laughter, not to poke fun at anyone’s grievous losses.
Tomorrow is my immediate area’s first day of 2014 in the cross-hatched bubble. Actually, back up – let me explain. … Read more
Yesterday afternoon, I asked my son how his school day had gone when I picked him up from school.
He proceeded to tell me that a dragon who eats nothing but computers had eaten all the computers in town, but that he could make a new computer, out of nothing but Cheez-Its, that would run on AA batteries, for an R&D budget of “four hundred and fifty-six pooty-butt dollars”* and this would stop the dragon.
Before I could even work out an exchange rate, I was informed that, after it had “sucked 80 guards into its tummy,” the dragon was slain by one guard with a giant sword. Also, he got almost all of his work done before recess, and did more work after recess to make up for the fact that we were stranded by ice on Tuesday and couldn’t make it off the hill.
I love my kid. 😆
* Go on, laugh. The government would waste many more pooty-butt dollars on this research and you know it.… Read more
A combination of insomnia, and my lamentation that I hadn’t found a valentine for my wife that wasn’t typical utterly sappy crap, led to this fun experiment. Click on the images for marginally larger versions, and feel free to print them out and give them to a geek you love! … Read more
Sadly, his last words were “six more weeks…”… Read more
I went to the store to grab a sack of cat food on the way home from work, because I didn’t want to be making that trip tonight as more, ahem, well-lubricated drivers hit the roads. 2013 has taken so many potshots at me that, in these waning hours of this accursed year, it’s almost easy to see where the next shot would come from. I carried my sack of cat food up to the register, and didn’t notice until handing it over to the hapless register guy who scanned it that there was a split in the side. A comet tail of cat food poured out of the little hole. The following conversation ensued, during which I kept my face as straight as possible.
I should point out that, by now, he was looking at me like I’d just grown both a third and fourth nostril right in front of him. Earlier that same day in Gotham City while I was leaving work:
Farewell, 2013. You took your best shot(s). I STILL WIN.… Read more
So me and the boy got home. Gabby the dog decided to hop in the car the moment the door opened to start dispensing dog kisses. AND THEN REALITY BEGAN TO COLLAPSE AROUND US AND THE LAWS OF NATURE NO LONGER APPLIED.
Actually, what you’re seeing here is dog in motion + kid’s hand in motion + kid and dog jostling me from different directions. Reality is intact, my dog is not made of wavy gravy and my kid’s hands don’t look like the hands of the aliens in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. (Bummer, right?)… Read more
Spotted on the south side of Fort Smith today. I… uh… surely they know that there’s an inherent double entendre …right? Or do their business cards say “Cuff me, whip me, bust my manifold”? I shouldn’t have to have a safe word to get an air filter. Just sayin’.… Read more
A typical moment in the life of the Obi cat.… Read more
