I went to bed late, and was half-asleep when something hit the front door of the house, almost like a gunshot. Simultaneously, my dog, who was staying outside keeping the horse company tonight, went apeshit. Next thing I heard was the horse, also going nuts. I put on my robe and ran outside… … Read more
No, Obi. You don’t need any of this ice cream. I mean, in the strictest possible sense, I probably don’t need it either. But you, as a cat, definitely do not need my ice cream.… Read more
Dramatis Personae
We hear the sound of LICKING. Fade in slowly, and slightly out of focus, from MAN’s point of view. PORTIA is the one doing the licking, and she’s licking MAN’s face.
PORTIA
Lick, lick, lick, lick…oh hi, you’re awake!
MAN
Mmmmmph.
PORTIA
I want you to get up and pet me! So I’m going to start kneading your bladder so you have to get up and pee. Then you can pet me!
PORTIA moves further away and begins KNEADING.
PORTIA [while kneading]
Need to pee yet?
MAN
Mmmmmph.
PORTIA [still kneading]
What about now?
MAN
Mmmmhmmmm.
PORTIA [still kneading, but obviously pleased with her handiwork]
Oh good!
There is a dull THUD and something completely blocks MAN’s view. (We are still seeing everything from MAN’s POV.) But we haven’t faded to black. This is simply PUCK, who has jumped onto MAN. And is now simply sitting there, self-satisfied and really unconcerned with what everyone else was doing, as we wonder what the
PUCK
Hi.
MAN [annoyed]
Hnnnnnnnhhhh. Gotta pee. Move.
PUCK doesn’t move. MAN can’t move.
PUCK
Hi.
HARD CUT TO BLACK as the last word echoes into the darkness.
MAN
NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!
A pause, and then
PUCK
Hi.
THE END… Read more
How Gulliver woke up this morning:
How I woke up this morning:
The means of achieving upright status is basically the same in either situation. 😆… Read more
It’s been raining for two days, and will rain for two more, if the forecast is even remotely right. My baby curled up and went straight to sleep, and I realized that the sight of my kids sleeping triggers an instinct in me…
…you thought I was going to say “to stand guard and watch over them”, right? Aw hell no. It’s an instinct to nap at the same time. While I can. It’s something that kind of overwrites your DNA when you stay home with an infant: either nap while you have the chance, or get something done somewhere in the house.
And with the rain beating down 24/7, let me tell you, that switch gets flipped solidly to “nap”. Surrounded by cats.
Enjoy, then, this fine view of Obi’s junk.… Read more
Today is Puck’s rescue day, but only by virtue of there not being a term for “little wandering kitten who strays into a clearly inhabited man-made structure for of TV station stuff and goes to sit on the first sucker for cats he finds”, and a holiday to go with it. Puck didn’t really get adopted, he adopted me.
And I’m totally okay with that. He was the best “perk” I got from my last few years in TV. And he still is, every time he curls up next to my year-old baby and leaves himself wide open to being petted, patted, and grabbed. He has the patience of three saints. And he’s so fluffy.… Read more
“We’ll decide the exact photo and quote later, right now we just need an idea of the layout…”
…well okay then.… Read more
I’m not sure which is the greater virtue of the two, so I have requested the guidance of @RichardGarriott on Twitter. I’ll let you know what he says, if anything.
P.S. If playing with the dog is the wrong choice, I’m pretty sure I got a black bead here.… Read more
Me: “Okay, I’m gonna solve this cat-in-the-high-chair problem once and for all. I’ll put the little mini-cooler I use as a milk-run diaper bag in the seat. That’ll fix her wagon.”
Portia: “Oh, thank you for the extra seat cushion! Is this for little ol’ me?“… Read more
