Mansquito is BACK, and… boy, does he ever need just the right onion soup mix.

A friend of mine pointed this article out to me yesterday, and I cringed and laughed at the same time:

…you need to know about a new kind of shopper that’s on the rise and will be increasingly important in 2013 and beyond: the “mansumer.”

Created partly by the Great Recession, this new breed of male shoppers have become Chief Buying Officers for their households, and are now making the majority of household purchasing decisions…

…men left the workplace and took on traditionally female roles in the home. Although the job market is improving, many of these men have continued to have responsibility for shopping, child care and household activities–and many of them are embracing the change wholeheartedly.

Hooooboy… well, actually, they’re right, to some extent. I’ve been out of work since October 2011. I’ve been looking since then, though I’m gradually coming around to the realization that all I’ve got is… me and what I’ve got. The industry in which I served pulled up roots and left the area, and apparently I’ve been doing a spectacularly bad job of explaining how the ability to run a broadcast automation system that governs four channels simultaneously translates to “You know what? Microsoft Office is not a problem for me.” I’m getting tired of trying to explain. I’m also getting tired of the lame-ass excuses for immediately dismissing me as a candidate. I have actually been told the following, to my face or over the phone:

• “If you’re not going to move north of the tunnel, you need to get in the soup line.”
• “We were actually looking for a girl for that [office position – well at least I hope that’s what kind of position it was].”
• “Why would you be looking to work here when you were doing all that at your last job?” (hint: because the entire industry has shifted three counties northward)
• “With the stuff on your resume, you’ll be gone the first time something more interesting opens up.” (hint: pay me enough, I find money very interesting)
• “You’re going to be greeting our customers and clients. You really don’t look right for that.” (so, telling me that I’m fat and/or screaming toward middle age is off-limits, but this is a valid reason?)
• “If you’ve never worked [retail / food service] before, you probably can’t start at your age.” (hint: Luke Skywalker was too old to begin the training too; where’s the Empire today?)
• “I really don’t like your phone voice.” (hint: I used to work in radio, dude… I think I can answer the phone.)

That’s just the tip of the lame-o iceberg. I’m about ready to give up, strike out on my own, and see what happens. I don’t plan to take out a loan to do anything, so how can we end up in any worse condition than we are now? (Memo to the universe: don’t feel obligated to answer that.)

In the meantime, yes, I am a mansumer (presumably the sequel to the Syfy movie Mansquito). And here are BPN’s strategies for dealing with that troublesome, inscrutable, dangerous species (mansumers, that is, not mansquitoes).

Create recognition programs that support the mansumer‘s need for praise for what he’s doing to help the family.

Part of me wants to tell the marketing wags who thought this up to bugger off. Seriously. Unless that praise is happening at home, starting with the immediate family, it’s pretty meaningless and hollow. And let me be the first to tell you that not every “mansumer” has that praise happening at home – the “stay at home” dad thing is viewed as an aberration and a failure in some parts of this somewhat great land of ours. If that validation isn’t happening at home, having a retail outlet try to placate and patronize a guy like that is going to come across as meaningless, hollow and crass at the same time – the trifecta of getting a man to walk right back outta your store.

Replace the words “Can I help you” in your marketing with “Let’s do this.”

I swear upon all that is holy, and a fair few things that are nowhere near holy, that the first store associate who accosts me in a store aisle with this message will get the following response from me. I will lean in close, angle my head quizzically, my eyes filled with concern for that store associate’s mental well being, and I’ll ask a simple question:

“Can I help you?”

Use marketing messages that emphasize simplicity, ease and value.

Yes, because we are all simpletons.

Provide product reviews, information and comparisons within your advertising or make them easily accessible online

Include product availability and store information in your online ads

^^ This. THIS. This is a good idea whether you’re trying to reach anyone. I recently was told by a Major Retailer Who Shall Remain Nameless that there was a complete and total disconnect between the availability and pricing information on their web site, and the reality of how stuff is stocked and priced in their stores. Why even have a web site with that information then? It’s only a liability in that it’ll frustrate the shit out of your customers. It certainly had that effect on me. My money did not get spent there.

So there you go. A man’s take on this crazy “mansumer” approach. I think it can best be summed up as “You’re dealing with intelligent men who adapt to their new situations and surroundings quickly, so don’t be patronizing dumbasses and you might hang onto our business, because we remember that sort of thing, amazingly enough.”