Whisper sweet spamthings in my ear

So I answered the phone today and it was a voice-synthesized, pre-programmed message trying to sell me something.

Whoa, let me back up there a bit. I used to live in Wisconsin, where there were – at least at the time – some very strict laws about cold-calling someone for marketing purposes. I don’t recall ever getting a recorded/voice-synthesized sales call up there, ever. We need those laws in Arkansas. Urgently.

Anyway, I got this call today. The voice was female, maybe one or two steps up from the AT&T TTS demo voices, so maybe these were pre-recorded words and/or phrases spoken by a human and pieced together in the computer, with big gaps between each word – sort of like a Dalek, only slightly more soothing. (But only slightly.) And in listening to this slightly soothing message, I had a revelation: it would help if the person piecing the recorded words together knew, oh, maybe, what the hell they were doing.

“Hello. This is. Sally. At. Pacific Financial. I am. Calling. You. Because of. You are qualified for. A. New. Credit card. Please call. [long drawn-out series of numbers with huge pauses in between]. Plus. You. Could. Of.* Qualified. For. Special gifts. Please call. Today.”

* This isn’t me perpetuating a common grammatical blunder (which drives me almost into a rage when I see it in print, by the way). These were pre-recorded words clearly giving voice to that common blunder. The voice distinctly said “Could. Of.”

I’m already dead set against signing up for any credit cards, at all, period. I don’t hold any currently, and don’t plan to in the future. A sales pitch exposing reading/writing skill deficiencies that make one sound this blindingly incompetent certainly isn’t going to be changing my mind anytime soon.