Story: The Euterpians – a super-powerful, semi-immortal race of creatures roaming the Universe, splitting planets open in order to release the geo-magnetic energy, which they will harness, and use to return them to their homeworld. A group of them arrive at the Earth millions of years in the past, and seeing its potential energy, send a party to set the beacons which will split the crust wide open, releasing the power within. But, something goes terribly wrong, and the ship in which they arrived is destroyed, stranding five of these creatures on a primitive Earth. Knowing their duty, the group completes their mission, and lay the beacons out as planned. Millions of years pass, civilizations rise and fall, and in the confusion, the group lose contact with one another. A couple of them realize that, if they can get the attention of another alien race with spacecraft, then they could finally utilize the beacons, releasing the energy, and go home. Finally, in 1994, the Cat-people show up and form an un easy alliance with a Euterpian, who bargains away rights to the Earth, in exchange for transport home.
Of course, this is the signal for the Doctor to arrive on the scene. He is still recovering from his recent Regeneration, and suffering the company of Ben and Polly to boot. They land smack-dab in the middle of this weakly written plot, and seem more than a little out of place wandering around amidst a group of bipedal cats with spacesuits on. Polly becomes separated from the Doctor (go figure) and joins up with one of these long-lived Euterpians, believing all the while that he is trying to help the Humans.
Review: All in all, this book was a total catastrophe. I don’t think I’ve read a book quite this lame since “The Ghosts of N-Space”. It almost put me into a catatonic state, as if I’d been lost for weeks in a maze of catacombs. I don’t even know what category to put it in: bad, awful, or stupid. I wanted to, at many points, put it in a catapult and fire it into the garbage. I am sure it was the catalyst to my severe attack of catarrh which almost caused me to need a catheter!
Well, enough of the bad puns, and enough of this book. I’m only giving it five out of ten, accompanied by a few cat-calls. On the other hand, my cat Chevy thought it was a brilliant masterpiece. He said that it was the best Doctor Who since Survival, and gave it 8 lives out of 9! His highest rating ever!
Year: 1995
Author: Gary Russell
Publisher: Virgin